Genre: Horror
Length: 85 minutes
Producers: Dimension
Tagline: Blood Is Thicker Than Water
Okay, those last two were from when I saw it in the theater. In my defense, it was MY tuna sandwich, and her butt bumped into my hand, not the other way around.
Anyway, this movie was horrible for one simple reason. I think you can guess what that is.
Time's up. Put your pencils down. It was "Jamie Lee Curtis."
She sucks. She's the worst actress of all time. You could have put anyone else in that role and it would have been 100
times better. Charles Manson in a dress wearing the skinned-off face of Courtney Love would be better playing that role
than Jamie Lee Curtis. I don't care if she WAS in the first Halloween. LL Cool J was a pretty decent actor in that movie,
and Josh Hartnett wasn't too bad, either. But, come on, Jamie Lee Curtis? JAMIE LEE CURTIS?!?
I'm gonna remake that movie, and I'm going to cast Richard Roundtree to play the part of Laurie Strode. Better yet,
Rudy Ray Moore! Ah, but I can do better than that! I'll cast Fred Williamson and a hobo in a dress to dual the role of
Lorie Strode! Sounds like a good idea to me! Now all I gotta do is get Dimension to sign off on it. But, if they can make
those hunk of crap Scream movies, they shouldn't be adverse to me making this quality blockbuster! Yeah!
Keep tuning in for a release date. It'll probably go straight to video.
Buy your own "Lorie Strode" doll with electronic toilet-flushing action!